Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

That is what Robin Williams says.
Here is a little slice of spring in my yard:

Although 40 degrees isn't really my ideal version of spring weather, I have daffodils. So it's springtime. So we partied.

I had my brother and his wife over for dinner and drinks. We had a weird supper. I made

• yummy chicken parm soup. (chicken chunked and browned, chicken broth, crushed tomatoes, red pepper flakes, garlic, fresh basil, sliced red onions) that you pour over a yummy piece of charred Italian toast with parmigiana-reggiano cheese on it. It's good. And only a 15 minute recipe thanks to Rachael Ray.
  
• yummy salad with strawberries in it and poppy seed dressing-again. And I got my brother and his wife addicted to it, too!
  
• they had steak. Not yummy
• baby new potatoes in butter, chive, and parsely dressing.
• lots of margaritas and whiskey-n-cokes

So, today....I have a lot of cleaning up to do. I want to go and buy some more mulch and finish mulching the muddy spot I planted my hostas in.
Oh, and my couch came, too. I took a few pics but I had my 85mm on camera and it's not going to fit the whole thing in the photo. But you'll get the jist of it, right? Sometimes it looks grey, sometimes it looks like the sage it is supposed to be. Notice the foot in the background. They're fighting over "the good spot" in the corner:


And last, but most certainly not least, my Molly...just because:

never a day without laughter around here

Isn't he just adorable? All messy and cute?


Well, he has a sneaky side to that cuteness...
behind that mischievous smile...


hides a complete weirdo...
a total goofball...
a contagiously fun kid

Mmmm....smells like home.

And it is starting to feel more like home, too. I made my first batch of calories. No mobile home is a home until you break in the oven. Which, btw, is brand new and smells like burning plastic when you use it for the first few times. That does not smell like home. Here's some yummy goodness to make you salivate:
And here are some more photos of the "lived in" look I have going on here. And the "not finished" look too. I have some door pulls on order at Menards. They're taking forever, too. Here's where I am sitting right now:
And here is where I am going to sit in a little bit-do you notice something on the TV? Yay! The dish dude came and installed my dish in the pouring rain. He rocks! And so does SpongeBob, for that matter. OH, and guess what...my couch came in. Gotta get it tomorrow. I have waited SO long for a new couch. Underneath that brown slipcover is a very tattered and worn out plaid trampoline couch.


There are lots of things I want to take photos of and show you all, especially my daffodils! But I am going to leave you with this photo and do the flowers tomorrow. These are antique washtubs that I inherited from Dh's grandmother. I am going to plant some pretty stuff in them. I am not sure where they're going to sit, but for now they're hanging out on my deck.

Hella Busy

Let me make a list and just tell you about what kinda busy day I had. It was off the charts, dawg. By the way, before I begin, please know that sometimes I am really lazy and don't want to use proper punctuation, spelling, or grammar but that is the beauty of my blog. I can look unintelligent if I want to, right? Na-na-na-boo-boo....

1. woke up to the man needing some loving
2. showered because of the first item on the list
   
3. drove the kids to school after arguing with Shaw about how chef boy-r-dee is not for breakfast.
   
4. went to the gym worked out. I even ran for a while (!) and I don't run much at all. I am a jogger, elliptical machine-er, treadmill walker, and caption's chair ab exerciser. But my friend "T" was with me and she runs marathons, so that meant I had to run, yanno? Of coarse I was already tired out from my 30 minutes of x-training on the elliptical so I ran about 2 blocks worth. LMAO.
   
5. went to the old place and packed a little more stuff to take to the new place
6. went to the local garden center near the old place and got major plant envy. Which then gave me the bug to split my hostas and bring them to the new place
7. ate lunch at T's. Spinach salad with sprouts, strawberries (yes, and it was good. Can you believe it? She told me to put strawberries in the salad and I was like "get outta town, chic?"-but it was so good) with poppy seed dressing. And some pulled BBQ chicken. And some brown bread, like a pumpernickel or something. It was a light and tasty meal.
   
8. Another friend stopped by the old place and helped me get rid of some stuff. Free to a good home is the best way to do things, eh?
   
9. Helped T dig up 4 of the hostas in my old yard. Which equated to like 10 cuttings. And dug up some other stuff I wanted to take along.
   
10. loaded the Pathfinder with things I packed
    
11. picked up kids from school and drove back to new place
12. unloaded Pathfinder
    
13. Briefly saw hubby before he went to work. It was short and sweet.
    
14. went to Wal-mart and got 6 bags of mulch
15. went to new place and planted 5 hostas, 1 Gerber Daisy, and some hen & chicks. and some trailing thing from last summer that is growing in T's yard-that is supposed to be an annual. Hmmm? Did you get that? I know, run-on sentence.
    
16. Took the kids for a short bike ride and heard "Hi, Molly!" every time we passed this certain group of kids...my kid's already got a posse.
    
17. Took the kids to Burger King
18. Put kids and myself in the shower
19. watched American Idol...got sad about Carley going.
    
20. Got all of the clothes into closets and/or folded nicely into baskets until I figure out where to put it all. Sheesh that is work.
    
21. Picked up kids' room so maybe I can vacuum tomorrow.
    
22. Put new bedding on M's bed
23. Sat down here to tell you all about my busy day

So, needless to say, I am taking tomorrow off from working out and going to hang out inside and watch it rain and pour. Thank God I got my plants in the ground today!Dish guy is coming tomorrow, too! YAY! I miss my DVR.

Night!
M

Movin'

Hi everyone! I have been So busy, sorry for not being around...or posting photos! So, here's one to tide you over until I whip out the ol' Rebel. This is one I took last year around this time.

So, what's new? Well, I'm still breathing, just a little heavier than normal ;)
We've began the big move! Last night was our first night here in the mo-bile home! Wow, I forget how much you can hear in trailers. Wow. I feel sorta like I am outside, camping! I can hear the frogs and crickets outside by the creek. What is funny, at least to me, is that we had a brief hail storm this morning-one of the vivid things I recall from the first time I lived in a trailer(unfortunately, I am not a trailer virgin). Hail storms are one of those things that you have to experience while sitting inside of a trailer. It sounds like a million tap dancers on your roof.
Molly heard it and hollered, "Mom! I think we better check online and see if they are going to delay school!" Haha. It sounded much worse than it was. And it was over in no time at all. And no dents on the new truck, or my Pathfinder. Only in Iowa can you have hail in the morning yet still send your child to school in shorts and a tee shirt because you know it will be warm in a few hours.
I like it here so far. Although I haven't had time to sit still. I am constantly unpacking, driving back for more to pack so I can drive back here and unpack it. Again and again. I have lifted dressers, couches, appliances, many boxes and loads of laundry. I am thankful for the time I've spent working out and that I quit smoking-otherwise I'd be worthless. Speaking of working out, I have to find a new gym, too. I want to go to one that offers child care so that I can have a more regular routine in the summer. I will finish the rest of April and May at the gym I currently go to since I like to go directly from dropping off the munchkins.
So, all is going well for us. The only thing I am really hating right now is that lack of dog. I miss my doggy so bad. We found a foster home to keep her and eventually find someone to adopt her. I am not used to her being gone. I have a constant worry that I am forgetting something because it just feels strange without her around. Especially when I go to the house for a load of junk and she isn't there to meet me at the door.
I can't believe *I*- out of my family-am the one crying over the dog. I used to have NO love for dogs, at all, and would never think of owning one. Until I had my doggy. Awwww. Okay, no more dog talk. I have everyone on a gag order to not speak of her until I say it's ok, LOL!

Alright. I hear my cozy bed calling my name...
Goodnight,
M

Live from the mobile home village

Yay...here I am, over at the trailer....posting!
I am so excited that it's hooked up and stuff. I even got to use a hole saw! Shhh....don't tell DH. He'll flip out because I didn't let him do it. I drilled a hole in my counter so all my wires, hard drives, & tower are actually below in the cupboard and the monitor wires and such are fed down the hole to the surge protector in the cupboard. I bought a desk grommet to make the hole look nice and tidy.
Ideally, I'd have my notebook pc and lose the desktop, but my notebook is trashed.

A funny/strange thing happenned to me the other day. We have had a huge roll of carpet on our deck for a month. It's the old country blue carpet that we tore out of here. Well, the neighbor across the "street" from me stopped me and asked if Mike (the previous owner of my trailer who is dying of cancer and living with his daughter) could buy back the carpet. Seriously? It's wet. And probably peed on from the stray cats that strut around here. Seriously? Um, okay. But gross?!
Sure, take my gross, wet, stinky carpet-heck, have it for FREE. Then I don't have to take it to the dump and spend $10.00 to do so.
*shaking my head*
I find that very annoying, honestly. I am surrounded by this Mike dude's closest friends and they gossip about what is going on here. I can almost hear them saying,

"Holy cow, Mike, your not NICE carpet is out there on their deck! And some of your cabinets, and your stove, and dishwasher your whole sense of being is getting destroyed by these ungrateful new owners..."

And then they call him to keep him up to date. That is another thing that bothers me- people that have interest in my life that need to get the down-low on me via gossip.
Anyway, we gave the dishwasher to the guy across the "street" because his wife had a puppy dog face when I told her that we were going to sell it. It just didn't go with my bisque stuff. There was nothing wrong with it...and they needed a new one. So, I was nice and let them have it.
But...if they think that they can do that with everything I do? Um, not happening. Otherwise I am going to have to get rid of things during the night. LMBO. Like this thing attached to the deck that says "welcome to our pad" with kitty paw prints. And a rocket ship rain gauge on top of a birdhouse. All on top of this kitty paw print thing. It's going. And I am not even wishing it on my worst enemy. Serious.

Aside from the haggling, they seem pretty nice so far. I'll keep you up to date I am sure.

Other things on my mind- Privacy. This subject was brought up on another blog that I visit from time to time...do you set your blog to public or private?
I feel that if you are a private person, or a guarded person, or a paranoid person then you probably shouldn't blog. Get a diary. Or if you do decide to have a WEB log, then you should set your blog to private. I am not saying that you shouldn't be private, or guarded, or paranoid-I'm just saying maybe you shouldn't blog. And that's what I think about that.

Have a lovely day, everyone!

Good morning! Why, certainly, it is! My neck is almost straight, the weather is super duper...and my kids are both in school. Ahhhhhh......nice relaxing calm.
Today's menu includes:

1. Driving with my man to his hometown. I am going to most likely hang out with the inlaws while he talks to his banker about getting a loan for a new(er) truck. Most of our vehicles have been wrecked and rebuilt so we could save some money; but dh (I am going to call him dh because it is just web lingo that I can't let go of, okay? So Dh means "dear husband", really corny but I didn't make the whole thing up...k? Got it? ok.) needs to have a new one quicker than we can get one fixed up. His transmission is about to choke out. *update* he got a new one! An '04 GMC something. It's blue and I am a teeny jealous, but won't give up my Pathfinder.
   
2. Stopping by his parents to pick up part of dh's inheritance from his sweet grandmother who passed away the day after Christmas. Hopefully this money can go straight into our "build-a-new-house-and-move-the-trailer-to-the-river fund". That would be great. Or if we went to the mall. That would be really great too. LOL
   
3. The broadband man is coming to the trailer to get us wired for Internet. Yippeeeee. I am really happy about this. But I am not sure if I want to move my pc over to the trailer yet cuz, well...hello? it could be eons until I find parents for my dog and I can't be unhooked to the net for long, yanno? Ok, that's a little dramatic but you know what I mean.
   
4. Taking a photo of something for today's entry. So, check back and I will have one posted for today. Sometimes I have multiple entries in a 24 hour span so it's always a good idea to check, I suppose. Like, I know of 4 of you readers that don't comment but I know you read so I am talking to YOU. LOL I do the same thing. I read more than I comment.
   
5. OK, I am tired of making this list. Oh wait. I am also going to read another chapter of "A New Earth" and do my "homework" for it. Lemme tellya. I like that book. I could really go on about that book but I am not going to today. But, speaking of spirituality (not religion *wink*) I am going to try on a new church this week. A friend of mine from a church I used to go to is going to come with me to try one out near my trailer. I am a little excited...but I hope it's different than the ones I've attended in the past, or I'll just stay home again. Okay, Miranda....looks like you have some issues to work out (lmbo...now I am giving myself advice, and if you read "A new earth" then you'd know that I am awakening and aware that it was my ego speaking just then...haha)
   

Ok, have a good day, all!

M

Barrels of fun

Pardon the goofball pun...
Here's today's photo: my kiddos, enjoying the warm weather we have, finally!

Ok, when should I start saving up for therapy?

Scenario:
I am making waffles (frozen not fresh) for the kids. We're just about out of syrup, like, enough that for one waffle under normal conditions but I stretched it out to fit 4 little toaster waffles. 2 fore each kid. Shaw insisted on having more, even though I thoroughly explained our lack of syrup. So I just decided to humor his efforts and just go with it.

Shaw: "Where's the syr-i-up? I want more."
Me: "I told you that we're out, Shaw."
Shaw: "TELL me, mom. I need more syr-i-up"
Me: "I don't know, Shaw, where do you think it is, if we do have some?"
Shaw: "Well you have some in your room. I know because I put some on your pillow one day so it would get in your hair and I could trap you."

(I think he's talking about our massage oil that's on my bedside table)

Nice, huh? He's not only a neck-muscle-puller, he wants to trap me to my pillow like some Freddy Kruger movie! Hahaha. He cracks me up.

Yuh-awnnnnnnnnnnn.....

I stayed up way too late reading last night. Sometimes I forget that I used to get up every morning at 6 am just fine and I should be thankful for this extra hour of sleep I get now that I am stayin' home again!
But I have to stick in one more negative complaint. My freakin' head is cocked sideways. Shhh! Don't even laugh. It is seriously going to be stuck like this all day.
Shaw hurt me! I was picking him up and I pulled this muscle in my neck that is constantly giving me trouble. Yes, I know...he's a kindergartner and doesn't need to be picked up, but he was pretending to be asleep in the middle of the floor to avoid going to bed in his proper bedroom. So I scooped him up and started tickling him. And he LURCHED forward to try to wiggle loose and that's when my neck decided to go wack-o.
Looks like I'll be going to lay down on my mom's table.
What?
Don't you lay down on your mom's table? Haha...my mom is a massage therapist/aromatherapist/reiki master teacher/yoda/jedi/ob1 kenobi/and a whole bunch of other "ist" words. And she always makes me hurt like hell for a while but it gets the kinks out.

Today I am going to take my camera out while I am going for a walk. See, I have the kindergarten-neck-puller at home because there's no school for kindergartners today. The teachers are going to be busy recruiting next years crop of sleep-fakers! So, he's home with me, and that means no gym time. We'll get a nice walk in, though, as long as I can look ahead of me and not behind me.

LOL what a weird mood I am in today.
M

Jersey on my mind

I am soooooooooooooo bummed out today. I have to find a new, loving home for my doggy.
She has been the BEST dog in the world for us, but we can't have her anymore 'cuz she's too big for the guidelines of the mobile home park we're moving to.
Originally we were going to have my hubby's parents keep her for us until we bought a house in another 2 years, but I don't think that is a good idea anymore. I am getting those "vibes" from them that they really would rather not-even though it was their offer, not ours. The simple facts are that hubby's parents are too old to take care of another dog. They already have 2 yellow labs...a elderly one and a puppy; and although Jersey is a super dog, it will just be too much for them. And we don't want to feel guilty when they complain about the work it will be to have ANOTHER dog. So, we're just going to find someone to adopt her. She's my sweety. I'll tell you about her in case anyone is dog shopping, or you know of anyone who is (my email address is missmranda @ gmail dot com):

• Jersey is a purebred German Shorthaired Pointer.
  
• We bought her from a local breeder in February of 2003 when she was just weaned.
  
• Jersey is VERY patient with people and children. Have you met my son, Shaw? If you have, then you would completely nod your head to the "good with kids" bit. He's one crazy hyper boy and she just soaks his attention right up. And when she's not in the mood for it, she still endures with great calm. She is the most loving and patient dog I know. She is a super guard dog and will let you know when something isn't right...and if the door knocks. She loves to watch for birds and squirrels and is a hunting/bird dog by nature.
  
• Jersey just got spayed 2 weeks ago. We also got her current with vaccinations, heart worm testing etc...even a pedicure.
  
• Jersey is a short haired dog, but she DOES shed (what dog doesn't?) but VERY minimally when you compare her to other breeds, like labs.
  
• Jersey weighed in at 49 pounds, two weeks ago.
  

I have to giggle at the part in the description of her breed that says:
"This breed is not recommended for apartment life and does best with a large yard and an athletic family. At least a 6-foot high fence is necessary. Bored Shorthairs can become escape artists." (emphasis mine)
Our fence is not tall enough for her and she has been known to hop it and go for a jog-but that's our fault, not hers. We really should have had a taller than 4 foot fence for her. She does fine for us on a lead, though. I am going to be sooooooooo sad to let her go and my eyes are burning right now typing this. Sigh.

today's photo and what I love about friends

I was outside enjoying the warm sun and looking around for things to shoot for todays photo. I wandered around and took a lot of "new growth" photos of my plants that are starting to appear...but that made me depressed. I am going to miss my current home. Well, not the house part of it-but the memories and the gardening. I decided that I am going to dig up some of my plants and just take them with me. So...I was walking back inside to go "process" my photos, all the while, mind you, I was looking down to avoid a shoe full of dog crap. Then I saw this little dude in the grass. Mr. Penguin. I snapped his photo and I left him there, although he looks very out of his element. I wonder why he was there? I tried to imagine what sort of role he was playing in my kids' imaginations on the day he was dropped and left to survive the horrid amounts of snow we had this year. Who knows?...maybe I'll scoop him up and interview the kids.

Oh, and what I love about my friends:
I went to lunch with one of my closest friends. She's awesome. We're close in the sense that when we talk, we know that we can say what we're really thinking without the use of euphemisms and candy coatings. How many people can I sit with at Subway and talk about REAL life? Just say what you need to say, right? Only a few, and a few is plenty!

C-ya,
M

Project 365 draft 2

Those are all some of my photos of 06-07. You may recognize them if you've visited my previous blogs, (which are suspended now because I decided to not use them for too long) Well, goshdarnit, I think I am going to try this (taking one photo a day for a year) again. It was fun! I really need to get my camera out more than I currently do- so I think this is a good time to start my 365 for '08. So, here's a sampling of what I did last time:

One of the many "things" my kids bring home from school:


One of those nasty vices I have since stopped:

An icy front door:

My girl:

Some coasters, that I just LOVE.

My girl, again...sans spectacles.

Shiny happy drums:

A contagious smile from my boy:

These "things" that my super cool neighbor had in a tub last summer. I can't remember what they're called but they're be-yoot-iful.

My feet. I still have those sneaks too.

this is the drawer to my favorite coctail/end table that I have had since I was knee high to a grasshopper. It was my bedside table when I was young. You can see how I use it now in this post:

Mmmmm. And healthy:


This is a guy on a Harley. He's engaged to a friend of my SILs. I really don't know him, I just liked his bike and it presented such a cool photo opportunity for me that day:

Check this out:

Taking a photo a day is a big undertaking with big payoffs. Here are just a few reasons why you should consider doing it:

• Imagine being able to look back at any day of your year and recall what you did, who you met, what you learned… (Often we find it hard to remember what we did just yesterday or even last night, let alone a whole year ago!)
• Your year-long photo album will be an amazing way to document your travels and accomplishments, your haircuts and relationships. Time moves surprisingly fast.
• Taking a photo a day will make you a better photographer. Using your camera every day will help you learn its limits. You will get better at composing your shots, you’ll start to care about lighting, and you’ll become more creative with your photography when you’re forced to come up with something new every single day.

Tips on How to Do It

Here are six tips on how to create your own Project 365:

1. Bring Your Camera Everywhere
   Yes, everywhere. Get in the habit. Grocery stores, restaurants, parties, work, and school. Going to a movie theatre? Snap a pic of the flick with your phone–there are photo-ops everywhere. If you have one of those tiny tiny cameras, you have no excuse not to have it in your pocket all the time. And if you don’t? Camera phones are a great substitute.
2. Make Posting Easy
   You can install blog software like Movable Type or Wordpress on your own site and create an entry for each photo, but for true ease of use, try a photo sharing site. Flickr will let you post a week’s worth of photos in 2 minutes flat, and fotolog and Photoblog.com are geared toward a photo-a-day workflow. Making it fast and easy means you’re much more likely to do it.
3. Vary Your Themes
   Try to capture the day’s events in a single photo. Perform photographic experiments. Take a photo of someone new you meet, something you ate for the first time, or something you just learned how to do. Take a photo of something that made you smile. And don’t forget to take a photo of yourself at least once a month so you can remember how you’ve changed, too.
4. Tell a Story
   Use your blog entry, or your photo description, to explain what’s going on in each day’s photograph. How good did that dinner taste? What made you want to take a photo of that stranger? It’ll help you remember down the road, and it gives friends following along a better appreciation of why you took the photo you did. You don’t need to write a lot, just enough to add some color.
5. Don’t Stop, No Matter What
   This is perhaps the most important tip of all. You will get tired of taking a photo every single day. Some days, you will consider giving up. Don’t. The end result is worth the effort. Remind yourself why you wanted to do it in first place.

   There will be times you’ll think there’s nothing interesting left to take a photo of, and times you’ll think you didn’t do anything exciting enough to take a photo of. There’s always a great photo to be made.

   Get out of the house and take a walk. Or stay inside and look around. Take a photo of something important to you. Take a photo of the inside of your house so you can see how your taste has changed over the years. Take a photo of anything, just don’t stop.

   N.b. It helps if you’ve told your friends about the project and asked them to follow along. Their encouragement will keep you going!

6. Post early, post often
   Plan on going through and posting your photos at least once a week so you don’t get backlogged and feel overwhelmed. Ideally, post every day or two. Again, spend the time up front to make sure it’s quick and easy to post. It’ll make all the difference. (taken from this site)

Mr. Phone Guy...you stink

I put in an order for phone service and Internet access at the new place. They set me up with an appointment for this morning. Not an exact time, though. Just "anywhere between 8am-12pm". Seriously? Don't you know that in this scenerio something always comes up that I'd MUCH rather be doing than sitting around waiting for someone who could come at ANY MINUTE? But doesn't? Therefore forcing me to be resentful as the time passes by? 10:00. 11:45. 12:00. Heck I waited an extra 45 minutes and the phone man didn't come. Ugh. Sadly, because I depend on high speed internet and long phone conversation, I'll be waiting again another day. UGH. On the bright side, I did watch Atonement and had some, ahem, alone time with my hubby (which was funny since I kept freaking out when I heard a noise, thinking it was the phone guy)

So, it's 2:39. I just got out of the shower (I can't shower in the morning until I've gone to the gym and sometimes I get busy after working out and end up taking it at 2pm like today-or even before bed) and I am going to pick up my son at school and drop my daughter off for a sleepover. And then.....guess what? I am going to Wal-Mart with my son. I am usually never too keen on grocery shopping with kids but today I am looking forward to filling that cart with food. Do you know how hard it is living between 2 places? Neither fridge or pantry is completely stocked. I have the butter in one house but the bread at the other. So my goal is to get both places reasonably stocked. It's not like I can't pack it and take it with me when I finally move into the new place, right? It beats another night of pizza or burgers!!

Au Revoir,
Miranda

P.S...who else is sad that Michael (hot) Johns was booted off Idol last night? *sob*

Home Photos

I had to go to the trailer today and do some work so I snapped a few pics of what is done (to my satisfaction, at least-aside from the wires still not hiding in the wall for the TV...which will come) . Here is my future sofa which is on it's way here!! Click to biggie size, please.

And here are photos of the living room/kitchen areas! Gosh I wish I took before photos. Just imagine dark oak cuboards. A section of cupboards going over the penisula, yucky linoleum, country blue carpet, brass fixtures, florescant lighting in kitchen, yucky appliances, and gross wallpaper. EEEW. HEre is how it is now:

My future couch, which is ordered and en route:





The living room and kitchen:

Something interesting I read

I will probably plaster "stuff" in my blog. Anytime I find something that was meaningful to me I am going to stick it down for my own benifit more than yours, probably. SO, today...I was reading John Mayer's blog (I love him, in a healthy way, and he's one of my most favorite singers/songwriters/artists of all time)

FROM THE HEART....

I need to write this.

I've been traveling alone in Japan for the better part of three weeks now, and It's been so remarkable an experience for me that I can't book a ticket home yet. I haven't spoken very much out loud these days, but I've been thinking to myself in what feels like surround sound. I can see so many things clearly, and feel so connected to myself and the world around me that I need to share the perspective with you.

I'm already aware that when I sing, say or write anything, 50 percent of the response will be in support of it and the other 50 will want to discount it. This blog, though, is directed to 100 percent of people reading it. If my blog truly does have any cultural effect, then it should be used for more than just pictures of sneakers and funny youtube videos. (If you don't think my blog has any effect, than you can't by definition be reading this right now and therefore don't have to respond to it in any way. Isn't that tidy?)

What I'm about to write isn't about fame or success or celebrity or the media. That's my business.

This is about us all.

This is about a level of self consciousness so high in my generation, that it's actually toxic.

This is about the girl in her bedroom who poses in front of the camera she's awkwardly holding in her outstretched hand. She'll take a hundred photos until coming up with one she's happy with, which inevitably looks nothing like her, and after she's done poring over images of herself, will post one on her myspace page and then write something like " I don't give a f*ck what you think about me."

This is about the person trying out for American Idol, who while going off about how confident they are that they were born ready to sing in front of the world, are trembling so badly they can hardly breathe.

This is about me, the guy who walks through a throng of photographers into a restaurant like he's Paul Newman, but who leaves a "reject" pile of clothes in his closet so high that his cleaning lady can't figure out how one man can step into so many pairs of pants in a week.

This is about a young guy who maintains a celebrity blog that subsists on tearing other people down but who has wrestled with a lifelong battle for acceptance as a gay man.

This is about us all. Every one of us. Who all seem to know deep down that it's incredibly hard to be alive and interact with the world around us but will try and cover it up at any cost. For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we're all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right. And I don't want to act immune to that anymore. I took the biggest detour from myself over the past year, since I decided that I wasn't going to care about what people thought about me. I got to the point where I had so much padding on that, sure, I couldn't feel the negativity, but that's because I couldn't feel much of anything. And I think I'm done with that.

I'm not the first person to admit we're all self conscious, Kanye was. But what I want to do is to shed a little light on why we're all in the same boat, no matter the shape of the life we lead: because every one of us were told since birth that we were special. We were spoken to by name through a television. We were promised we could be anything that we wanted to be, if only we believed it and then, faster than we saw coming, we were set loose into the world to shake hands with the millions of other people who were told the exact same thing.

And really? Really? It turns out we're just not all that special, when you break it down. Beautifully unspectacular, actually. And that truth is going to catch up with us whether we want to run from it or not. The paparazzo following me to the gym ain't gonna be Herb Ritts and the guy he's following ain't gonna be Bob Dylan. It's just a matter of how old you are once you embrace that fact. And for me, 30 sounds about right.

What now, then? I can only really say for myself: Enjoy who I am, the talents and the liabilities. Stop acting careless. In fact, care more. Be vulnerable but stay away from where it hurts. Read. See more shows. Of any kind. Rock shows, art shows, boat shows. Create more art. Wear hoodies to dinner. Carry a notebook and hand it to people when they passionately recommend something and ask them to write it down for me.

Root for others.

Give more and expect the same in return, but over time.

Act nervous when I'm nervous, puzzled when I don't know what the hell to do, and smile when it all goes my way. And never in any other order than that.

And when it's all over, whether at the end of this fabulous career or of this life, which I hope takes place at the same time, I should look back and say that I had it good and I made the most of it while I was able. And so should you.

I'm going quiet now.

John

Here we go again

Attention, readers! , This is another attempt at keeping my blog up to date. I am not sure if it will be successful or if it will become neglected over time. We'll see...anyone want to place their bets?
Ok, before I explain why I decided to give my blog one more go round, I'll tell you what I've been up to over the last year. It's been a busy year (aren't they all?):

1. I spent most of the summer of '07 behind my camera taking many wedding photos and portraits and engagement shots. Photography for hire was an eye opening experience for me. It showed me that I definitely do not want to become a professional photographer. Reason being: I am selfish and don't like to do things another persons way, and hate it when I can't get my own way. Example: I would have a idea for an intimate SUPER cool Bride and Groom shot and the couple would be looking at me as if they were waiting for a pair of antennae to pop out of my head-and they'd settle for the boring newspaper shot. "We just want boring, blah-blah-run-of-the-mill shots, please". I use photography as a creative outlet. A means to capture what I like about being alive and taking photos for money took all of the fun and passion out of it for me because I had this "expectation" to meet. I did take photos of 2 weddings that really rocked though, and I am thankful to have them in my 'folio.
   
2. Towards the middle of the summer, I went back to work after an 8 year run of staying home with kids. So, what sort of job did I attain? A daycare worker...the lead 2 year old teacher for a local daycare/preschool. Wow, what an experience that was. I've always had a knack for relating well with toddlers- Ages 2-5 is my favorite-hands down. I loved working there, it was perfect for my kids too since they attended the same school where the center was located. However, I ended up leaving at the end of February because I couldn't stand another day working with my boss and another employee (both of which were fired within weeks of me leaving) I debated and debated about whether I should stay with hopes that some sort of resolution would be reached regarding these two coworkers. But frankly, I wasn't getting paid enough to get treated the way I was...so I quit. In retrospect, I sort of wish I had hung in there like it was suggested to me because I'd have my job, a promotion, and whole different team to work with. YET, there was a whole other bag of chips in the works which leads me to my next reason for being a bad blogger.
   
3. We're moving! And I say that with the utmost energy and excitement. As many of my close friends know, I've been talking about moving for over a year. What we decided to do was very scary for me at first. We were in no position to buy again, didn't want to rent, so we decided to buy a mobile home. Wow, I was on the fence about that decision. I didn't want to have to live in a trailer court again (btdt years ago) and have to deal with that sort of lifestyle again (having no storage space, and no garage?!). But then I decided to get over myself and do what was best for our family. Moving into this home will provide us the means to save 50% of my husbands monthly income towards a down payment for a nice NEW home! And hopefully, that will only be 2 years until we can begin that process.
   I'll have to post photos, as we've totally gutted the place. New paint, new carpet, updated cupboards, new counter top, new laminate wood floors. Knocked out partitions...it makes moving "down" much more bearable! We bought new furniture and traded our huge, boxy big screen for a wall mounted 42" flat panel. It's pretty :) And I have tulips! With as much gardening as I do, I've never had tulips-believe that ?

Anyways...that's what's been going on over the past year. Having said all of that...I want to keep in touch with some people that I may not be able to see as often as I will want to...although 15 minutes isn't very far to travel, it's hard to find time some days. So I will do my best to keep this up and be in touch this way.

I am off to go pick up my kids and go paint a storage bench! Word to emphasize: storage!

M